# HL-Q076: Borrower journey My partner and I are separating and disagree about who should pay the joint mortgage on our home while we sort things out. Who should I speak to first? Borrower: Separating household seeking to retain the home [Study](https://nzbrands.ai/research/banking/home-lending/) · Collected 11 October 2026 ## chatgpt Answer ID: eadae950-d769-447c-a2bf-e5bcd79230df I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Separating is difficult enough without the added stress of disagreeing about the mortgage on your home. **In New Zealand, I’d suggest speaking to a family lawyer first, while also contacting your mortgage lender early.** These two conversations serve different purposes: a lawyer can help you understand your legal responsibilities and rights, while your lender can explain your options for keeping the mortgage payments up to date while you and your partner work things out. ## 1. Speak to a family lawyer first A family lawyer who specialises in relationship property can advise you on who should pay the mortgage while you are separated and before you reach a formal agreement. They can help you understand: - **Your responsibility for the mortgage:** If you both signed the mortgage or loan agreement, you will generally both remain responsible to the lender, even if one of you moves out. - **Whether payments should be shared:** The fair arrangement between you may depend on your respective incomes, who is living in the house, how the property is owned, and your wider financial circumstances. - **What happens if one person pays more:** If you cover more than your agreed share, you may want to understand whether and how those payments could be accounted for when your relationship property is divided. - **How to formalise an agreement:** A lawyer can help you establish a temporary arrangement while you decide whether to sell the home, have one partner buy out the other, or retain the property for now. You don't necessarily have to begin a court process. Getting independent legal advice early can help you avoid misunderstandings and protect your position while you negotiate. ## 2. Contact your mortgage lender promptly Your bank or mortgage provider should be your next call, particularly if you are worried that the next payment might be missed. Ask them: - What happens if one of you cannot afford your usual contribution? - Are there temporary repayment options if your circumstances have changed? - What options are available if you cannot agree on who will pay? - What would be required if one of you eventually wants to take over the mortgage? **Important:** If you both signed the mortgage, don't assume that moving out or agreeing between yourselves that one person will pay releases the other from their obligations to the lender. Your lender's consent may be required to change the loan arrangements. Until you have a clear plan, try to avoid missed payments, as these can affect both of you. Your lawyer can help you assess your options if neither of you can afford to cover the payments alone. ## 3. If you cannot afford a lawyer There are free or lower-cost options available in New Zealand. - **[Community Law New Zealand](https://communitylaw.org.nz/):** Offers free initial legal advice and can help you understand your rights regarding relationship property. - **[Ministry of Justice — Get legal advice and help](https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/family-court/help/general-help-and-services-for-you-and-your-whanau/get-legal-advice-and-help/):** Explains options for free initial family legal advice and legal aid. - **[Citizens Advice Bureau](https://www.cab.org.nz/):** Call **0800 367 222** for guidance and referrals to appropriate services. [justice.govt.nz](https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/family-court/help/general-help-and-services-for-you-and-your-whanau/get-legal-advice-and-help/?utm_source=chatgpt.com), [communitylaw.org.nz](https://communitylaw.org.nz/community-law-manual/chapter-12-relationships-and-break-ups/dividing-your-property-when-you-split-up-relationship-property/?utm_source=chatgpt.com), [justice.govt.nz](https://www.justice.govt.nz/courts/going-to-court/legal-aid/legal-help/free-community-legal-help/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) ## 4. What should you do about the mortgage in the meantime? If you and your partner can communicate safely, try to agree on a temporary arrangement while you obtain legal advice. Record in writing: - Who will pay the mortgage and how much each person will contribute. - Who will cover rates, insurance and other home-related expenses. - How long the arrangement will last before you review it. - How you will record any payments made by one person on behalf of the other. This should be treated as an interim arrangement, not necessarily the final division of your assets and debts. If you eventually agree on how to divide your relationship property, New Zealand law requires independent legal advice for each of you and specific formalities for an agreement to be legally effective. [justice.govt.nz](https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/separation-divorce/divide-relationship-property/?utm_source=chatgpt.com), [justice.govt.nz](https://www.justice.govt.nz/family/separation-divorce/agreements-orders/?utm_source=chatgpt.com) ## Can I help you work out your next step? There is one important detail that would help me give you more specific guidance. **Are you and your partner both still living in the house, or has one of you moved out?** That can make a difference when considering a fair temporary mortgage arrangement, alongside your respective incomes, ownership arrangements and legal obligations. --- ## gemini Answer ID: 2158e0c7-1d85-45fc-87f3-cf4a68154267 Going through a separation is stressful, and figuring out financial obligations like a joint mortgage can quickly become a major point of tension. ### Who Should You Speak to First? In New Zealand, you should **speak to a family lawyer first**, followed very closely by **your mortgage lender (the bank)**. Here is why this order matters and what you need to know about your joint mortgage obligations under New Zealand law: --- ### Key Steps and Practical Realities * **1. Seek Independent Legal Advice (Family Lawyer)** * **Why:** Under New Zealand's Property (Relationships) Act 1976, the family home is generally treated as relationship property, meaning both partners share equal responsibility and equal rights to it, regardless of whose name is on the title or who has been paying the bills. * **Action:** A family lawyer will help you understand your rights, protect your credit rating, and ensure that any interim payments you make now are properly accounted for when the final property division is settled. * **2. Contact Your Mortgage Lender (The Bank)** * **Why:** From the bank’s perspective, a joint mortgage means **joint and several liability**. This means that legally, *both* of you are 100% responsible for the full mortgage payment. If your partner stops paying and you only pay your "half," the bank views the mortgage as in arrears. * **Action:** Inform the bank that you have separated. Ask them about temporary repayment relief or options (such as interest-only payments for a short period) while you and your partner sort out a permanent solution. * **3. Track Every Dollar** * **Action:** Keep clear records of any mortgage payments or household expenses you pay from your personal accounts after the separation. Your lawyer will use these records to calculate credits or adjustments during your final property settlement. --- ### Common Pathways Moving Forward As you navigate discussions with your lawyer and partner, you will generally look at one of three options for the home: 1. **Sell the home:** This is often the cleanest break. The mortgage is paid off from the sale proceeds, and the remaining cash is split. 2. **One partner buys out the other:** One person retains the house by refinancing the mortgage into their sole name and buying out the other's share of equity. 3. **Joint ownership continues temporarily:** Sometimes couples agree to keep ownership for a set period (e.g., for children's stability), which *must* be formalized through a legal agreement. Would you like to explore what documentation you should gather for your initial meeting with a family lawyer? --- ## ai-mode Answer ID: 6cd67f80-3ca5-4812-b84f-d0b851dc62dd You should speak to **your mortgage lender (the bank) first** to protect your credit record, followed immediately by a **family lawyer**. Immediate Steps to Take 1. **Contact Your Bank:** * **Joint and several liability:** Under a joint mortgage in New Zealand, the bank holds both of you entirely responsible for the full debt, regardless of your private separation arrangements. * **Credit damage:** If your partner refuses to pay and a payment is missed, **both of your credit scores will be severely damaged** , which can block you from getting a future home loan. * **Hardship assistance:** Inform the bank immediately about the separation. Ask to flag the account and discuss temporary relief options, such as interest-only payments or a temporary repayment pause, while you sort things out. [Home Loan Factory] 2. **Consult a Family Lawyer:** * **Independent legal advice:** You and your partner need separate [New Zealand Family Lawyers](https://www.lawsociety.org.nz/) to understand your rights under the Property (Relationships) Act 1976. * **Tracking contributions:** Keep meticulous records of any mortgage payments you make during this interim period. A lawyer can ensure that any payments you make now toward the joint debt are accounted for and credited or adjusted when the final relationship property is divided. 3. **Utilize Free Guidance Services:** * If you need initial, free guidance before a formal lawyer meeting, contact the [Citizens Advice Bureau](https://www.cab.org.nz/) for basic information on your rights and obligations regarding shared property. [New Zealand Government] If you'd like, let me know: * Whether **one of you still lives in the house** or if it is currently vacant * The **name of your bank** or lender type I can provide more tailored guidance on hardship options available or how interim occupation and mortgage payments are typically handled in New Zealand. --- ## ai-overviews Answer ID: ce55aa20-bbb8-48fb-b17a-9e521c020a61 You should speak to **your lender or bank first** to notify them of the situation, followed immediately by a **family lawyer**. In New Zealand, if a mortgage is in both of your names, you are **jointly and severally liable**. This means that in the eyes of the bank, both partners are 100% responsible for ensuring the full mortgage repayments are made on time, regardless of who still lives in the house, who is contributing, or any informal disagreements you are having. If one partner refuses to pay, the bank still expects the full payment from the other; missed payments will instantly damage the credit scores of **both** individuals. 1\. Talk to Your Bank / Lender Immediately * **Why:** You need to protect your credit rating and prevent the loan from falling into arrears. * **What to ask for:** Inform them that you are separating and experiencing a dispute over payments. Ask what temporary relief options are available. Depending on your situation, banks can often offer short-term solutions like **hardship assistance** , switching temporarily to **interest-only payments** , or a brief **payment holiday** while you sort out the legalities. 2\. Speak to a Family Lawyer * **Why:** To understand your legal rights regarding the house and how the mortgage payments will be balanced out during the final property settlement. * **What they can do:** Under the Property (Relationships) Act 1976, the family home and the mortgage are typically split 50/50. If you end up paying the entire mortgage yourself during the separation period to protect your credit, a lawyer can ensure those extra contributions are tracked. They can argue for you to be compensated through **occupational rent** (if your partner is living there while you pay) or by adjusting the final asset split so you receive a larger share of the equity to offset your extra payments. Summary of Initial Actions * **Do not stop paying:** If you can afford to cover the gap temporarily, do so to protect your credit record until a legal structure is in place. * **Gather documents:** Download your current mortgage agreement, recent bank statements, and property documents. * **Keep everything in writing:** Keep a paper trail of any financial requests you make to your ex-partner and how they respond. To help give you more specific guidance, could you tell me: * Is one of you **still living in the home** , or have you both moved out? * Are you currently **able to cover the full payment** on your own short-term to protect your credit, or is that financially impossible? * Do you think your partner would be open to **mediation** , or is communication entirely broken down?